Hello from the weight room here at the Gaveliers Athletics Training Center. We’re in Hour 4 of our daily eight-hour regimen of jump squats, rope climbing, rotational trunk work and defibrillation, so I thought I’d give the guys a few seconds to recover and update you on your undefeated grappling Gaveliers.
I tell our wrestlers every day: In this sport, it all comes down to the effort you put in, and please consider using clinical strength deodorant. Not during competitions, of course. Olfactory aggression is a terrific supplement to a headlock.
Although I wrestled collegiately, this is my first year as a coach, and I have to admit that our stunning success during this, our debut season, has perhaps come not because of my training methods but in spite of them.
During preseason, for example, I had the ideas to move practices to the Imperial Jade. This is not a martial arts center. It is a moderately priced Chinese buffet. I reasoned that our wrestlers, coming from years of sedentary service on the bench, would need to pack on weight and strength for the long and arduous season to come.
I wasn’t entirely wrong. On Day 1, Hon. Romeo Espinosa (275 pound weight class) consumed an entire steamer bin of sesame chicken. At practice the next day he wrestled a Saturn V rocket to a draw.
Unfortunately, a diet heavy on crab Rangoon and jiaozi (Chinese dumplings) proved less beneficial to our 125-pound No. 1, Hon. Chris McIntyre. Over the eight weeks of buffet camp, Judge McIntyre ascended through the 133, 141 and 149 weight classes. He told me this morning that he has decided to enter the transfer portal in hopes of landing a scholarship to P.F. Chang’s. I hope you join me in wishing Chris success in the next phase of his career and portion control.
Like my fellow Gaveliers coaches, I invite fans to submit questions about our team and I’ll try to answer as many as possible in my next report.
In the meantime, remember to shop for your officially licensed Gaveliers fan gear on the Gaveliers tab of the online NJC Shop. A small portion of these reasonably priced items supports the NJC courses along with your fellow alumni who are administering justice from the bench and punishment on the mat.
Go Gavs.
Hon. John Sandy
Wrestling Coach

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