Dear Gaveliers Fans:
I am delighted to announce the appointment of our first Gaveliers coaches, profiled below. They’re listed in alphabetical order by sport.
These outstanding judges, all drawn from the ranks of NJC alumni[1], have proven they possess the four characteristics necessary for leadership roles in National Judicial College athletics: Integrity, Courage, Discipline, Socks. I am grateful to each for taking time out from their crowded dockets to help guide the launch of these teams.
Note: It is not too late to apply for a position on our coaching staff, as either a head coach or assistant. Feel free to email me directly for further information or to arrange for me or a more attractive member of our department to appear at your next Gaveliers booster club event.
Remember also, for the largest selection of Gaveliers fan gear, browse the The NJC Shop.
Go Gavs!
Ed Cohen
Interim Athletic Director
egcohen@judges.org
Hon. Lauren “Lady Law” Langdon
Lake Basinone, New York
Known to her admirers as Lady Law or La La, and to her detractors as Lame Lawyer or La La, Judge Langdon is looking to distance herself from disconcerting nickname ambiguity in her new role as running coach. Her experience includes the Drake Relays, Prefontaine Classic, 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing and both the Boston and New York City Marathons, all of which she has read about. In 2009, she competed in the first Princess Half Marathon at Disney World but was disqualified late in the race on a technical rule violation (hair spraying the eyes of Pocahontas). While earning the designation of First Class Girl Scout as a teen, she accumulated dozens of badges, awards and pins in disciplines as diverse as cross training, eco exploration, digital leadership and paranormalism. Her personal motto is “Run like the wind, invisibly.”
Hon. David J. Dreyer
Indianapolis, Indiana
Judge Dreyer, a one-time quarterback at Notre Dame, was the prize recruit from the transfer portal entering the Gaveliers’ inaugural spring practice earlier this year. That changed when it was discovered that his experience playing quarterback at Notre Dame was literally one time, during his freshman year. He donned a football uniform as a costume for a dorm Halloween party. It wasn’t even a Notre Dame uniform, and he was going for robot. Judge Dreyer has served many roles in amateur and professional sports, including football starter in eighth-grade, sports talk radio show caller, church kickball coach (penitential), and associate head coach of the Super Bowl XLI champion Indianapolis Colts (delusional). He is known as a by-the-book coach, that book being Football for Dummies.
Hon. Robert J. Torres
Hagatna, Guam
A proud islander, Chief Justice Torres is expected to bring tropical fun, deep-sea excitement and carloads of SPF 50 to the Gaveliers. His coaching resume includes five Subaquatic League Championships in eight years. Several stars of his Marianas Trench Tritons teams have become household names, including Aquaman, Sponge Bob and Hector Can Opener. His unique coaching philosophy combines time-tested soccer tactics, such as the 4-4-2 formation popularized by Leicester City in the Premier League and Atletico Madrid in La Liga, with proven trial strategies, including extensive pretrial discovery (film study) and restraining orders that prevent the opposing team from getting off their bus.
Hon. John Sandy
Okoboji, Iowa
Judge Sandy compiled a collegiate wrestling record of 120-7-1 competing in the Ursidae class (bears). His notable matches included first-period pins of Baloo and Yogi and a draw with Smokey. As a senior, he was considered the favorite for the 1997 NCAA Division I Wrestling Championship but was upset in the quarter finals by Fozzie. Known as a fierce competitor on and off the bench, he is said to not read books but rather stare them down until he has the information he wants. He likewise does not own a stove, oven or microwave, believing, in his words, “Revenge is a dish best served cold, like vengeance gazpacho.” Asked how his experience in bear wresting would translate to the largely humanoid divisions in which the Gaveliers intend to complete, Judge Sandy said, “Less clawing, more biting.”
[1] One has chosen to use a pseudonym and pseudo jurisdiction. Can you guess which?
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